THE HAYWIRE HALL OF FAME: THE TOP TWENTY FLIPPED DISCS OF ALL TIME compiled by Richard Blackburn
1. "PSYCHO" by Jack Kittel (GRC). Honky-tonker Leon Payne penned this champ of all sick ditties just before his suicide, and Kittel's 1974 version captures the dementia praecox best - obviously hipping Elvis Costello, who put "Psycho" on the flip of 1981's "Sweet Dreams" (Columbia). The song's narrator calmly tells his mother how he iced his ex-wife and her lover, his own son and a neighbor girl, and dreamed of strangling his son's puppy, then asks rhetorically, "Ya think I'm psycho, don't ya, mama? Well...
2. "WILD HOG HOP" by Bennie Hess (Major). Manic panic from the Fifties, too rushed for even an instrumental break. Chased by a wild hog through briars and across rivers (with appropriate snorts and splashes), the singer collapses, safe, at his baby's door. "You're my man," she crows, "'cause you did the Wild Hog Hop!" Available on the import LP Gonna Rock and Roll Tonight (Collector).
3. "PENCIL NECKED GEEK" by Fred Blassie. The man who wrote the rulebook on dirty wrestling stepped out of the ring in 1976 to wax this tirade against less-than-100 percent males. Beyond macho, Blassie groin-kicks "scum-suckin' peaheads with a lousy physique," then stomps the record's engineer to death. Available on the EP Blassie - King Of Men (Rhino).
4. "THE FANG" by Nervous Norvus (Dot). Following his haywire hits "Transfusion" and "Ape Call," Norv flipped out in '56 and wired bop-talk to sci-fi. "The Fang" concerns an "outer space papa" who gets "earthbound" so he can "hit the chicks with a Martian jolt!" (See also Buchanan & Goodman's "Flying Saucer" novelties and Jessie Lee Turner's "Little Space Girl" on Carlton.)
5. ESQUERITA AND THE VOOLA (Capitol LP). Under the impression that if a half-maniac like Little Richard could succeed, then surely a total loon would do twice as well, Capitol in the late Fifties signed Esquerita. They were wrong. None of his records clicked, and this LP is one of the rarest in collectordom. On its cover, Esquerita looks like the front of a '59 Continental with a tumbleweed process and rhinestone shades. Inside: wordless voodoo chants, falsetto shrieks, and chaos called "Juicy Miss Lucy," "Batty over Hattie" and "Hole in My Heart." Reissued recently: a double Esquerita LP (French Capitol).
6. "THE BIG MACHINE" by Gene Savage (Big West). The ultimate hot rod song. Savage's machine "don't use gasoline" mainly because it's a big M-60 tank. In competition with conventional dragsters, it blasts them with a cannon, then flies away. Bye bye 409.
7. "RUBBER BISCUIT" by the Chips (Josie). Covered by the Blues Brothers, this doowop novelty shares honors with dozens of nonsensical classics. Frank Zappa and a crew of linguists are still deciphering "Sweet words of pismotology" and "the pulpitudes of love" from the Medallions' "The Letter" (Roulette Golden Goodies Volume 15).
8. "1 PUT A SPELL ON YOU" by Screamin' Jay Hawkins. This cacaphony of screams, moans, and inarticulate gargling was actually a hit for Hawkins, who topped himself with such weirdies as "Constipation Blues" and "She Put the Whammy on Me" (in which he takes his revenge on a lost girlfriend with a shotgun). "Spell" is included on the new Okeh Rhythm & Blues LP (Epic).
9. "BE FAIR" by the Gallahads (Del Fi). Fifties love paranoia (as in the Rays' "Silhouettes") reaches an all-time high in this fable of "a blind boy and his girlfriend." As she walks him home, he accuses her of kissing his best friend. "It's no fun being blind." Right.
10, "ROCKIN' BONES" by Ronnie Dawson (Rockin'). Forget the Showmen's ode to rock "it Will Stand." This is it! Ronnie asks to be buried with his records and requests someone "put a phonograph needle in my hand" so he can rock into the promised land. Covered by the Cramps on Psychedelic Jungle, but no one touches Dawson for demonic weirdness. In photos, he resembles a waxed, brushcut Dorian Gray with eye makeup.
11. "HELLO LUCILLE. ARE YOU A LESBIAN?" by T. Valentine (Val). A magnum opus probably inspired by the world's worst date. Mightily frustrated, T. unloads in nonlinear fashion and goes for Big Questions: e.g., "They say her hair ain't no longer than his. Why do he take her out?" Available on The Big Itch 3 compilation (Mr. Manicotti). T.'s career covered by more depth by yours truly in Kicks magazine, issue 6 (see INK).
12. "SCREAM" by Ralph Nielsen & the Chancellors (Surf). The title does not lie. This primal New Jersey hurricane came yowling down the turnpike to land on Back From The Grave Vol. 2 as well as a 45 reissue (both on Crypt). In the same banshee bag: the Gentrys' "Wild" (same series, Vol. 7).
13. "THE GIRL CAN'T DANCE" by Bunker Hill (Mala). Ultimate napalm-lunged black screamer backed by the "Rumble" Man. A low-fit temper tantrum in an orange juice can. On Link Wray: Vol. 3 (Norton).
14. "TEENAGE BEATNIK" by Louis Nye (Wig 45, Nye at left). Sounding like a crazed fruit -- but not a teenager or a beatnik--screwy Louie rings more changes on the chorus line "I don't dig squares, man, they're really a drag" than Bird did on "How High the Moon." Lou also likes to "cha cha in bermuda shorts." Produced by Steve Lawrence. Further study: "Hi Ho Steve-O" (Coral).
15. "BABY" by Marty Roberts (Arc). This minimalist masterpiece has a one-word lyric. "Baby," a sort of rockabilly mantra, is endlessly hiccupped, stuttered, crooned or caressed. Like, uh, redneck zen. Honorable mention: "Oh Baby!" by Harvey & Doc (Annette), a wacky piece of Spectoriana that doubles the voices and word count.
16. "SHE SAID" by Hasil Adkins (Judy). West Virginia ridge runner gets hitched during a booze spree, then faces his mate in the cold light of day. Incomprehensible lyrics and fractured vocalizing ensue, giving dark hints as to his beloved's ancestry. Scary, by gum. On Haze's Out To Hunch set (Norton).
17. "NINA-KOCKA-NINA" by the Dinks (Sully). Okie garage band gets into a ceaseless Nipponese (?) rant interspersed with anti-high school diatribe. On the follow-up (!) "Kocka-Mow- Mow," group commits mass careericide by ranking out deejays who refused to play their first side. "N-K-N" is on both the Madness Invasion 1 comp (GMG) and The Big Itch 2 (Mr. Manicotti), "K-M-M" on Big Itch 3.
18. "ROCKIN' OUT THE BLUES" by the Musical Linn Twins (Blue Feather). Frothy, near-epileptic Elvis impersonation. Singer's overwhelming emotional involvement allows only a few gasped phrases to be heard. On That Good Ol' R & R Sound (White Label).
19. "WOMBAT TWIST" by Glenn & Christy (Sonic). Somewhat irrational saga of yokel pursuing Greenwich Village chick. She buys it under the wheels of a bus, inspiring admirer to follow suit so they can twist together in Beatnik Heaven. Presence of wombat not fully explained. See Big Itch 3.
20. "HIPPIE IN A BLUNDER" by Johnny Buckett. Forget Muskogee's Okie. This is the ultimate shitkicker diatribe against the Love Gen. Buckett's flower-kid target "looked like a hog in a fattening pen" and "took LSD and benzedrine too/ Smoked marijuana and sniffed a little glue." Disc unravels completely by the end: "Shave and a haircut, two bits/ Hippie in a rat hole, tight fit!" On the Torture comp Bent, Batty & Obnoxious.